i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
