She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
