Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
