Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize