The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it glows. i had to have it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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