You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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