Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
