I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
