Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize