Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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