I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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