You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dignity is for republicans.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
