how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize