he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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