I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
