I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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