My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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