Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
