discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
