Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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