Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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