Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
