Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
