it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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