I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
