there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
