New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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