Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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