He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
