I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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