The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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