she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
