Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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