i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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