I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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