the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize