can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
