i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
