Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
