I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
