WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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