How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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