They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
