i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
