he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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