We're facebook friends in real life
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
