Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
