PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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