the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
