all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
