We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
