with your own penis?
you traded sex for a burrito?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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