found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We named our party play list daddy issues
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
