question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
