singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
