She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
