Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
