I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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