Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
