Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
