based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
