So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
