I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
