btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
