just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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